So today's the important evening - we are having dinner out with my friend/boyfriend/fiance to talk things over and try to figure out some solutions for our future life together...
I feel weird today. Being tired is defintely not all. I have this slight feeling of sadness and depression upcoming :( Although I am sure we can sort things out, I somehow think that we have lost something, and it won't come back ever again. Something broke between us and I don't know if we can fix it, to make it as good as it was before, or even better. I feel like some feelings and thoughts which I was carrying for so long, are now slipping through my fingers and spread in the air like dust. And I am so afraid I won't be able to catch it, seeze it, and put all the little pieces into one "something" ever again. It is like I would have to start it all over again, from nothing to everything.
Maybe it's just some pain I still have in my heart... Myabe I need more hope and faith in us... Right now I don't really know what I really want for myself in life. Except this one sure thing that I want to be happy. Because who doesn't?
I hope this evening will clear my mind a bit and give me some perspectives to set my thoughts.
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